Reaching Out (Singles’ blog with Lucian Bane)

reaching out

Here it is ladies, your singles’ post.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. How do I help single ladies? I think of you all as my sisters and good friends, so, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it might be to know what we need to talk about.





Getting those four things into top health are what we need to focus on.

The first thing I’d like to say to you is this:

It’s not all about you.

It’s about you and a potential very significant other and possibly a family too. So, while you’re looking for that spectacular someone, let’s focus on your own spectacularity lol. You don’t want to be known as “poison in somebody’s coffee” do you? No, God forbid. As a bride prepares for her groom, let’s prepare you to be that special someone for someone else. Pretend we’re making you into that perfect wife or mate for your brother or son, and that might help you see the importance of this.

The next thing I’d like to say to you is this:

It’s not all about him either.

One thing you are not going to do is make yourself amazing just for a man. You are going to make yourself amazing for you and that man. Is this a guarantee to find a man? No. But it’s a guarantee that you will be much more qualified to “see” the right man and “pick” the right man. But in order for that to happen, we need to train you and prepare your:





Since those four things co-exist within you, that means you cannot neglect one without it affecting the other. Now, we’re going to start with an assessment of your self-esteem, or self-worth. Because knowing that will give you an indication of the work needed. If you have a fairly healthy or normal self-esteem, then we will strengthen it by optimizing the health of Body, Mind, Heart, Spirit.

THREE MONTHS That’s all I want to help change your life. Are you with me? 

Assuming you all yelled a victorious YES! then let’s start with a few assessments. Click to take the Self Esteem Test and record your answers in a journal. (Suggest buying a journal for this journey we’re going to take. Or a simple tablet will do.)

After you take that test, we will move on to Body. Download this form and then go to her website and read up on how to do the body measurements properly. You can transfer your answers into your journal if you don’t have a printer to print it. Why are we doing this? To get your ass into shape, that’s why. Everything in your life that you have control over, you are going to learn to use that control in a productive way.

As far as a Heart assessment test….

I believe that the mind is the gateway to the heart, the filter if you will. We mentally process things and then we either reject them or we embrace them. The things we embrace, we take into our heart and the things in your heart are usually the things we sincerly believe and therefore act upon. And those things are not always good. So, if a man’s heart is corrupt or sick, his mind and body are as well.

How do we change our heart?

That requires the same type of exercises you would do to change your physical body. A daily, consistant change of thinking and acting. To change anything, you must replace it with something new. In order for you to stop thinking the wrong way and doing the wrong things, you MUST start thinking the right way and doing the right things. Change can’t happen otherwise.

So, you need to take mental notes for this challenge. I want you to be listening to what circulates from your mind and heart, and then I want you to write it down so that you can track the shit going through your head all day (you’ll be surprised when you realize a lot of what goes through, goes unnoticed) and then I want you to challenge and test those thoughts.

Now, for every negative thought you have, I want you to change it with a positive one or opposite one. You may find yourself arguing with yourself and that’s perfectly fine. (Try not to do it out loud in front of people 🙂 ) Negative thoughts are stubborn but you must take back control of your mind and tell it what it is going to think, not vice versa. Again, there are only few things we have direct control over and you need to take that control and use it. Is it easy? No. Neither is losing a hundred pounds. Is it possible? Hell yes. Is it worth it? Triple hell yes. Are you and your future significant other worth it? Quadruple hell yes. You get the point.


Most people know that I’m a man that believes in God. After Body, Heart, and Mind is all said and done, there is something inside us that goes beyond that. I’ll call it the Spirit of man, and I believe it was put into us by an eternal Creator. This special intellect we possess may lack the physical properties commonly tested and or observed by the sciences, but is in fact used to develop every science used for testing and observing. The Spirit could be thought of as home to logic and reasoning, and without it, we would live like all the other animals, by intrinsic instinct alone.

I believe the Spirit is the highest part of a human and that God gave it to us for one very simple and amazing reason. To establish a direct medium by which to have a relationship with us. I will assume a God with such capabilities does not need anything from His creation, but rather desires it, like a parent would want to love and interact in the lives of their children.

My Personal Reasons

The way I see it, without God, we wouldn’t be having this discussion, nor would I even want to have this discussion, becausue in all honestly, He put me up to all of it. He said to me silently but quite clearly in my spirit, “I need you to help Me help them. They can’t hear me, and I need a vessel, a mouthpiece of reason.” And I said, “Use me. I’ll tell them.”

Why would I ever say that? Because when I was in the depths of my own personal Hell, He reached down and pulled me up. He saved me from myelf, my past, He worked/works with me daily to help me overcome those things that prevent me from being all that He ever intended and desired me to be. Happy. Healthy. Whole. In Body… Heart… Mind… and Spirit.

So, I am forever in His debt. Not because I owe Him, not because I fear Him, not because I want something from Him. I do it because I love Him. I get great pleasure being an extension of His love to others and I can only do this because He first loved me and showed me how.

And there we have it.

We officially covered Body, Heart, Mind, and Spirit in our first “Singles’ Blog” lol. You have your homework to do, now hop to it. You are all in my prayers and I know you all can do this.

Oh I almost forgot one final important thing. I would encourage you to find a partner/friend to work with on this. In the comments below, let people know if you are available as a partner. You may need to search a bit to find the one with a life and schedule that compliments yours, but I think it’s worth the effort. The point of this partner is to hold you accountable, offer your encouragement and support along the way. In my own words, they won’t let you slip back into the slop. You will offer them that same type of friendship and support.

See you next Tuesday,




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9 Responses to Reaching Out (Singles’ blog with Lucian Bane)

  1. Stephanie R. says:

    I’ve been waiting for this for such a long time! I’m all in! Can’t wait to get to work!

  2. Kimie says:

    I’m all in, full throttle and I am open to working with anyone who wants to work with my crazy ass!! Let’s do this!

  3. doris says:

    I’m so proud of you brother!!!! Following Gods call is intimidating at best, especially in a world filled with unhappy, self loathing and yet self centered so and so’s. Happy married here but can always use some self esteem work so I’m gonna follow your postings here too and recommend them to every single girl I know 🙂 Many prayers for one and all!! Xoxo

  4. Artavie says:

    Thank you for not being afraid to speak to up and offer your wisdom , I’m in .

  5. Ruby Hinkleberry says:

    I was almost in tears. And no I don’t get emotional too much! But this choked me up. Mostly because you are willing to put up with us and our crazy moods and help. You are willing to give up some of your time to hold out a hand to help lead the way. I know God will bless you heavily. Thank you for this….being single isn’t always easy. I’m open to working with someone, but my schedule is crazy. And I have hardly no motivation.

  6. Amy B says:

    I will be cheering you all on from the sidelines! You got this girls!

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  • Note:

    I usually refer to males as the more dominant and females as the more submissive. The intention is NOT to say that ALL relationships should fit that pattern. My relationship experience is with male dominant, female submissive arrangements and that is the only sort of relationship I have firsthand knowledge about.